MSC Lirica

Joined the MSC Lirica this evening in Genoa.

I was determined to make my own way from the airport to the ship rather than get a rip-off taxi.

I sussed it out beforehand. According to Google maps the ‘statzione’ was right outside the terminal (where else would the airport terminal be) and it was only a few stops to the port. Result. Maybe 2 or 3 miles.

But could I find the statzione? I followed the signs. Nard a.  Just car park. I couldn’t even see any rails. Argh.  So a taxi it was. I nearly boiled to death in the taxi. And it was, indeed, about 3 miles. 28 euros.’ Yes, you heard me, guurl fryend’ twenty eight euros (it’s all American movies on this ship). That’s almost as much as the flight! Bloody taxi-driver bastardoes.

                   Not bad for 1^st Dec. Marseilles today.

All the tours were; well, rather geriatric for my tastes, so I stayed on board. This ship certainly aint no Norwegian Epic, but I was expecting such. What I wasn’t so prepared for was just how mean MSC are. They charge you for everything, and really push the sale. It’s almost as bad as walking down St. George’s Street in Luton. At least nobody tried to persuade me that Jesus wants to save me though. May have to just hide in my cabin.

The ship sells itself on its fine dining. Everything tasted slimy to me. I mean, how do you make steamed broccoli slimy? Olive oil, I suppose.  Not my taste or portion size. Are we on rations? At least I had a table to myself.

Barcelona today.

I shouldn’t be negative but I’m afraid I really don’t like anything about Spain. I’ll leave it at that.

This ship was called Fany.

Having saved money by staying on board yesterday I splashed out 8 euros for the ‘bus into town’. Hmm, not exactly ‘town’.  It took us to the end of the quay and then abandoned us there. I could have spat further than the bus took us, and I was none the wiser for having taken it. Bloody Spain.

Did I mention I hate Spain? The sear your flesh from your bones climate, the miserable faces (except when subjecting animals to barbaric, prolonged agonising deaths, of course), the endless tat being peddled everywhere, the semi-to-full on prune faced criminal ex-pat ageing TOWIE reject community, the shite food, the constant rat-a-tat of jack hammers (dear God, when will they finish building the place?), nothing open when you need it, the ridiculously ugly Gaudi architecture …oopps!

First full day at sea. 

Not much to do on this ship. Watching lots of films in my cabin. Went to an IT lecture by Dolores O’Shea.  I was the only one there.

Also saw a Frank Sinatra tribute. ‘Frank’ was really creepy. When he did the alluring eyes and point seductively at you routine, and fish-hook pull you in manoeuvre I wanted to cover my eyes. Finally figured out why he gave me the colly wobbles so much. He was the absolute spitting image of Freddie Mercury. So un-Frank Sinatra.

The Freddie Mercury look wasn’t good 30 years ago, it certainly isn’t appealing on a scrawny 20 year old (unshaven) trying to smooge as ol’ blue eyes himself.

Admittedly, this photo wasn’t him as Sinatra, but you get the idea.

Second full sea day.

The only person again at Dolores’s talk. I’m going to have show every day now amn’t I. The weather is fine but not really sunbathing temperature, so I cheat a little using the 50 euro credit they gave me for booking on Halloween. Get myself burnt.

OK, I’ve also cheated a little with this photo because this is the ship we berthed alongside at Funchal (tomorrow morning). This is the Costa Collapsia…or is it the Costa Calamitea, I forget.

Funchal, Madeira today.

I like Funchal, the island’s capital. Go on a bus tour. Usual sort of thing.

You wouldn’t want to be scared of heights living in Madeira – everything is perched on a precipice.

 There are some weird things here. Lots of woolly jumpers and hats. Its mid-Winter and toasty warm so I don’t know who the arctic-ware is for, or when. They also have a lot of key fobs shaped like..well, willies. And some of them are massive. Don’t know what that’s about. Maybe trying to appeal to the Spanish market?

They also have lots of things made of cork (although I didn’t see any cork trees and the guide made no mention of cork as an indigenous species or industry). The cork baseball caps were quite odd, and there were shoes. My favourite was the cork umbrella. Very impressive.

 Now we are seriously at sea. 5 days until landfall.

I’ve taken to eating in the canteen rather than the fancy-pants restaurant. One, the food isn’t worth getting dressed up or waiting for, two, they don’t provide water with your meal unless you pay. What sort of a place is this? And three, there was an aforementioned TOWIE wannabe at the table next to me the other day remarking on how ‘brave it was for someone to dine on his own’. Yeah, brave but not deaf pal. And it wouldn’t be ‘brave’ if morons like you didn’t make stupid remarks like that. I didn’t actually say this to his face of course, as evidenced by my still writing this blog.

Tonight’s entertainment was – yet again – classical music, but this time interspersed with acrobatics (huh?). The ‘anchor’ guy wasn’t quite strong enough. It was all very wobbly and the stage was moving as the ship pitched and rolled. They gave up half way through several of their show piece moves, getting compensatory polite ripples of applause. I found it stressful. I know the element of danger is part of the appeal but I just wanted them to bow, exit and have themselves a nice cup of tea instead. These guys aren’t top pros and it wasn’t entertaining enough to merit the very real potential that they would injure themselves; or the front row for that matter.

OMG, as they say on the Costa del Essex. Tonight I discovered a part of the ship I didn’t know existed. How have I missed it for 7 days? It’s only the largest bar on the ship – easily 3 times bigger than all the others. Its where the parties at. Tonight is ‘Miss Lirica’, though ‘miss’ is pushing it somewhat. Imagine your granny, minus her teeth, pole-dancing half-cut. How will I sleep?

Where are we now; day 8?

What happened today? Crikey, not much. I decided to finally get to grips with my photos and videos on my laptop. They seem to be all over the place. Have to admit, I do an excellent job arranging them by year and month and event. Most satisfactory. Does make me a little maudlin though to see how many photos are of my ex and just how much stuff we did together. I had a life to live back then – now I’m just passing time. Sad.

And then I thought I’d clear the duplicate files. Bad move. They weren’t duplicate but linked somehow. Very confusing. My computer seems to have ‘file folders’, which are real, and ‘library folders’ which look like duplicates but..err..well, aren’t.

 I was half expecting a mishap though so I simply retrieved the erroneously deleted folders from the recycle bin. Simples. Only 3, however, of the 12 folders reappeared. Years 2001 to 2009 vanished (2008 though was saved, for some reason?). So that’s like 8 yrs of my life gone in an instant. Gutted. Was feeling down looking at all those happier times as it was; now I feel bereft.

Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise though. Constantly being reminded that I’m now considerably older, unloved, bored and lonely doesn’t make for good karma. I need to move on, and that 2008, 2011, and 12 were saved is quite good. 2008 was my TripAmerica year (good memories) and 2011 includes my India trip which was funny. My year off (2010) is captured in my blog so the pictures exist in the blogosphere and 2012 was my Grand Slam and cruising year so quite good vintages to randomly save.

Goofy pic, btw, is another random survivor from more than 20 years ago - when I was at Warsash Nautical College. I would love to go to a reunion there – wonder if they ever have them?

Well hoorah bizarre, the sun has arrived and he has his hat on.

Today is the 8^th Dec. My friend Carmela told me some years ago that Xmas starts on the 8^th in Italy. Saint Santa’s day or something. Saint Catherine is ringing a bell for some reason but what has she to do with Xmas?

Anyhoouz, overnight, the shipboard pixies have been busy and bedecked the place in Chrimbo paraphernalia. Either that or the triffids have been breeding with the daleks again. I share my Carmela tale with some Italian staff. ‘Yes, yes, it’s true. The tradition is that the decorations go up for the 8^th’, - but none of the Italians can tell me why.

In the newly discovered place where its all at, tonight was ‘Mr Made in Italy’ night. They had decked the place and all the staff out in Italian colours and gear. There was much hype and much anticipation. But again, none of the participants were Italian (or under 70 for that matter – seriously), we aren’t in Italy and there was nothing Italian about what followed. I don’t get it.

 6am, still dark, but already hot. Think today could be a scorcher.

It was. In fact, it was too hot. Almost Spain hot. By 11am I had to move indoors (for Dolores’s talk on Genealogy. She wasn’t impressed when she showed a photo of her very glamorous Edwardian ancestor, in full flowing ball gown, and I shouted out ‘Are you sure he wasn’t a drag queen!?’ – don’t know what came over me. Maybe it was the combination of sun and a very hastily downed pint).

My tan seems to be more orange than brown. How very Essex.

Saw another classical concert tonight – ‘Music with Masks’. Finally discovered the identity of the enigmatic chap (about 23) who wanders around the ship alone dressed for a winter’s day. Couldn’t figure out if he was a passenger or crew. Never saw him doing anything ‘passengery’, nor working or wearing the standard name badge. Turns out he is an opera singer!

Now you might think from that title of the show that masks were involved. You’d be wrong. Rather like the ‘Midnight Feasts’ described as ‘showcasing the artistic talents of our staff’. At 11.15pm a waiter walks through the bar with a tray of Costco jumbo-buy mini-pizzas. Not Midnight, not a feast, not a show case of talent. Am I missing something?

Last full day at sea.

A positive cornucopia of excitement and entertainment has been promised today. So excited I could barely sleep. Awaken at 5am in eager anticipation. I’m sure it will be everything as promised.

Well I wasn’t disappointed. There was a class on knitting cheap Xmas presents, bingo of course, a marzipan flower making demo and the final of ‘the World’s biggest ever quiz’. Not sure if 10 questions (half of which had been asked on previous days) really qualifies as the biggest ever, but such is the marketing on board.

The highlight of the day was the Talent Show. I went to watch the rehearsals – to which nobody turned up. The Grand Finale involved 4 acts: 2 passengers, the kids’ entertainer dancing, and the hotel manager crooning. And the winner was…the hotel manager. Not one of the brave passengers, oh no, the prize went to the boss of the 1000+ staff on board. Could only happen on an Italian ship.

Barbados. Thank mercy!

I didn’t book on to any tours today because I wanted to do my own thing first day ashore. I’m glad I didn’t because all the tours were available right at the dockside and I found a woman, Faith, who rented out scooters.

This is my mean machine. It was falling apart but really comfy. Only $35 for half a day. I went all over the place – not sure where, but it was fun. Also, very hot. And very wet when the heavens opened.

St. Lucia – arrive 2 hrs early (as yesterday).

I’ve been to St. Lucia once before. I’m keen to re-trace my steps. About 20 yrs ago (1993 maybe?) I sailed there in the ‘Arc Race’ from Grand Canaria. It was an age (well for me anyway) before laptops, blogs, digital cameras etc. so I really only have the memories from a few photos filed away somewhere and my rapidly fading recollections to draw upon.

Hire a car and make my way to Rodney Bay Marina where the boats complete the race. I’m lucky enough to see 2 boats arrive. Brings back memories of our arrival (the gift pack is the same!) Shame, apart from officials, that it’s only me to greet them. Feel a bit of a fraud ‘cos one of them asks how my crossing was. I reply that it was very good - I’m guessing a lot quicker and more comfortable than yours.

It’s St Lucia’s national day tomorrow. As I recall, we also arrived the day before National Day, so guess I’m here on our anniversary. I’m hoping the day before National day is their equivalent of April Fool’s Day because according to the radio, Mike Tyson just had a sex change and is now Michelle!?

Then its off to some beaches and the Gross and Petit Pitons to re-enact a much cherished photo I have. I want to do a ‘then and now’ kind of thing. Problem is, that’s one of the pics I lost the other day

If I ever manage to retrieve the lost photo it will go here. It's only taken best part of 6 years but here it is!

Then its off to some beaches and the Gross and Petit Pitons to re-enact a much cherished photo I have. I want to do a ‘then and now’ kind of thing. Problem is, that’s one of the pics I lost the other day.

Driving along I listen to lots of Caribbean style Christmas tracks. Love ‘em! They mostly seem to be about getting absolutely pie-eyed.  I give you example 1:

Example 2 is specially recorded for Julie. Crank the volume up. Merry Christmas:

My favourite though (and I now can’t get it out of my head!) is example 3. Where can I buy these on CD?

The beach pics. Have to take advantage of my waterproof camera. Pretty cool pics hey?

Very pleased with today’s crop of photos. Take loads of photos I’d like to turn into paintings. 

And then, as the sun sets, its time to leave.  Really like this pic too. Reminds me of that artist who paints couples dancing on the beach. Italian sounding name.  Its an Athena poster classic. Its everywhere.

I go to the ‘Four Musketeers’ show in the evening. Now you might think from the title that there would be 4 of them, but I counted 6, including 2 Dartanions. That didn’t matter though because the show was excellent. Our rope lady was back (she had scared the bejapers out of me with the acrobats the other day), but thankfully there was a lot happening on stage to divert attention. Freddie was back (Dartanion #2) to sing a Westlife number(?), and our acrobats made a glorious return, minus the 3^rd member of the team this time (I think she was in the box they pierced with swords).  The anchor man could cope lifting just the one and they made all their shapes.

There was also a guy I hadn’t seen before (what has he been doing all cruise?) who did several amazing rope routines where he span them round and they clicked the stage (and ruffled his mane) creating a tap dance effect.

And after lots of shouts of ‘Hey!’, the last 10 minutes of the show morphed into the Michael Flattley story, culminating in Riverdance. It was awesome. Why have they been prannying about all cruise when they can dance like this? They were fabulous – I couldn’t believe my eyes.

I think Freddy is back tomorrow as Michael Jackson. He’s getting there. Maybe that’s the lifecycle – start as Frank Sinatra, then Bryan McFadden, Jackson then finally emerge as Mercury?

                  St. Kitts & Nevis

Arrived just after dawn in this the least populated and eco-friendly island we visit. That’s travel agent speak for – there’s nothing to do or see here. I wandered around the capital, Basseterre, looking for a shop that sells CDs, but to no avail. The one shop that was closed at the port in St. Lucia yesterday was the one selling CDs. I could see the CD I wanted in the window!

I was supposed to be on an ATV (quadbike) adventure today but it was cancelled last night due to lack of sufficient numbers. I’m very relieved because I am really tired today and its not great weather or scenery.

In fact, by 9.30am I’m done and return to the ship for a snooze. Nap for most of the day but don’t feel as though I missed out.

Saw a really low rainbow.

In the evening saw 2 shows; 3 if you include the karaoke.

The first was a Disney tribute. Only lasted 10 minutes. Not sure what the point of it was but it was..erm..cute? The 2^nd was the Micheal Jackson thing. Not as good as I hoped (after being amazed last night at Riverdance).  It seemed to double up as the farewell concert (even though the cruise ends 2 days hence, and there is a show tomorrow).

 

The karaoke was all in French. Everything sounds good in French. This guys was nuts. He was always 2 or 3 lines behind the music. He was on ‘Je suis’ when this pic was taken. It was going great guns…until the machine stopped working half way through a track. And that was that, so we all headed off to the’ Buffet Magnifique’.


Grenada

I have high expectations of Grenada. Don’t know why, just think it could be full of promise. Its got to be better than St. Kitts. There are 2 tours I fancy.  One is driving your own inflatable speedboat. But nobody booked this tour so its cancelled. The other one was the Creole Bus tour. Sounded quirky. But that one was full so can’t do that either. Sulky face.

This is the captain, leaving the ship (and no, it wasn’t sinking). I also leave the ship and explore the capital St Georges.

I love it. The Anglican cathedral is very interesting. Very airy! Notice that a lot of buildings, particularly the old ones, are  roofless. Go on pretty much the only tour still available and discover that Hurricane Ivan destroyed 97% of domestic properties. The colonial British tiles just flew off.

We visit a rum distillery (which wasn’t making rum) and a beach where I talked to some locals in a beach bar. On our travels I notice a fair few tennis courts, nobody playing on them, just as every other island.

Gives me a business idea….

Grenada is just fabulous. Tomorrow is Martinique where MSC Lirica and I part company and where I shall spend the weekend before flying home for Xmas. My new bar friends say I’d be better off staying in Grenada. I have to agree.

Buy my first ‘souvenir’. It’s a deck of cards for Eliot from the pub. The cover is in Granada flag colours and has ‘Smile Mon’ on it. Hope he understands it. Think he’ll like it. Try to find some ‘buy me a sambuca’ for Danny but the Caribbean isn’t big on…well..anything other than rum.

In the evening there is a highlights show. So that means we see whip-clicky man, the juggler showing us how to drop things with panache and the acrobats, who, thankfully, didn’t show us how to drop each other with flair.

Martinique

And so its time to pay off ship. Its the first time MSC Lirica has been to Martinique and they make a bit of a song and dance about it.

I find my way to the hotel where they dont let me in for like 5 hrs nor use their free WiFi (which can be used anywhere in the hotel) because...I haven't booked into my room yet. Hang out at the pool instead. Looks awesome, but was absolutely freezing. Hard to figure out how they get the water so cold because everything else here is flippin' boiling. Way colder than the sea.